Friday, March 27, 2009

Solving the Nation's Economic Crisis

Disclaimer: Please do not be intimidated by this title. You do not need any economic background to understand this post.

Last week I was waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store and took the opportunity to read some of the headlines of the august news publications which can be found at the end of the aisle. I'm sure you are aware of these publications as a good way to keep up on all of the UFO sightings, two headed octobabies, and celebrity affairs going on but I will bet you did not know that they also have breaking financial news. That's right, according to this reliable source Obama has quite a plan to fix the economy: he is going to cancel July! It will save America billions!!!!

I can tell you are all breathing a sigh of relief right now since you know that the president has a plan to save us all. However, I see some drawbacks in canceling a whole month. If we cancel July, we lose a free work holiday on the 4th as well as making serious trouble for anyone with a July birthday (although anyone turning 30 this year probably doesn't mind). So I propose Alicia's Alternative Economy Plan (AAEP). Under AAEP, I will cancel Mondays! That's right, no more Monday mornings. No more going into work with a five day week ahead of you. No more people asking if you have "a case of the Mondays." I'm brilliant! I can even prove mathematically that my solution is superior to Obama's. Anyone can see that Obama's plan to cancel July will save us 1/12 of the money the government spends in a year or 8.3%. But the AAEP will save us a whopping 14.3%!

The moral of the story is not to believe everything you read in the checkout line, and also to remember me some day when you are reminscing about the bad old days when you had to work on Mondays.


nujoud said...

I definately support your plan. Although, I propose the Nujoud Amendment for Partisan Support. The NAPS plan is that instead of cancelling Monday's, you just have to stay home and take a long nap and relax. Then everyone will be less worried about the economy and get over it.

Heather said...

i love the plan! and nujoud's ammendment is even better! hooray for no work on mondays! and double hooray for naps :D

John said...

A nap is like alcohol, it makes you forget about your problems temporarily but it doesn't fix anything. "getting over it" doesn't solve the problem just passes the buck on to someone else.

If you eliminate Mondays, and don't increase the productivity of your employees the rest of the week, you're cutting the GDP by 14.3%...that doesn't look to good to the ol' deficit, now does it?

Sorry, I just felt like pissing in someone's Cheerios today.

Erin said...

Shut up John ;)